Q: Whats the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?

A: One makes your day and the other makes your hole weak.

Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look attractive?

A: Put a nipple on it

Q: What do you do if you come across a lion?

A: Say sorry and wipe it off

Q: What do you do if you see a hurd of elephants comming?

A: Swim

Q: Whats the difference between an essex girl and an essex boy?

A: The essex girl has a higher sperm count

Q: Why are breasts and trainsets similar?

A: Their both ment for children but it's men who end up playing with them

The lone ranger and Tonto have been riding the trail all day. When they stop for a rest, tonto places his ear to the ground and listens. 'Buffalo come,' remarks Tonto. 'how can you tell?' asks the lone ranger. 'Face sticky.'

A women walks into a chemist to buy some tampons. she notices a dozen boxes stacked on a table with a sign saying: 'five boxes for a pound!' the woman can't believe it, so she asks the assistant. 'That's right,'he says. 'Five boxes for £1, no strings attached.'

The director of a small company has two employees; Jack and Jill. The company's doing badly so he decides to sack one of them. With a heavy heart, he calls Jill into his office and says, 'look Jill, i'm afraid i'm going to have to lay you or Jack off.' 'you'll have to jack off then,' Jill replys, 'because i've got a headache.'

A 747's flying over the atlantic when the engines fail and it goes into a tail spin. An air hostess runs into the cockpit, rips off her blouse and screams at the captain, 'please! make me die feeling like a real woman.' So the captain rips off his shirt and says, 'iron this.'

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: 'cheese sandwich £1.50. Chicken sandwich £2.50. Hand job £10.' He walks to the bar and beckons to one of the barmaids. 'Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?' he asks. 'Yes' she purrs. 'Well wash your hands, Iwant a cheese sandwich.'

Q: Whats '6.9'?

A: Good sex interrupted by a period

Q: Why is bridge like sex?

A: Because if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand

Q: What's the difference between david seaman and pamela anderson?

A: Pammy's only got two tits in front of her

Q: Did you hear about the gay magican?

A: He vanished with a poof.

Monica Lewinsky walks into the dry cleaners and tells the guy, 'i've got another dress for you.' The slightly deaf clerk replies 'come again?' 'no,' says Monica, 'mustard.'

Q: What's big, white, sits at the bottom of your bed and takes the piss?

A: A kidney dialysis machine

Q: What's got 90 balls and makes women sweat?

A: Bingo